Wednesday, May 04, 2005
| WHAT is UP (with)… The subway system in Manhattan? It now costs $2 for a ride and the service has never been worse! I’ve taken to leaving my apartment 15 minutes earlier than I usually do because I know that I will wait on the subway platform for a good ten minutes for a train to come. Yesterday it took me an hour to get to work, when the commute should only last 25 minutes. There is nothing like the fury you feel when you know you’re going to be late for work and there is nothing you can do about it. So many times I’ve wanted to spit on the driver’s windshield as he pulls up to the station. But usually I just clench my jaw shut really tight and scream curse words in my head. The Comedy Central game show Distraction? Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? The show is basically a trivia quiz game where the contestants are subjected to cruel and unusual forms of humiliation while answering questions. Hence the name DISTRACTION! Well, last night I was watching an episode of it and my jaw (and balls) hit the floor when I saw one of the new methods of distracting the contestants. Turns out, all four people competing on the show had to drink a gallon of water before the taping. Then during the first round of play, each one of them pulled down their pants and sat on a toilet in a stall (with only their heads peeking through). In order to answer the questions that were asked, the contestant had to piss in their toilet to trigger the buzzer. For example, one of the questions was “Pop, pop, fizz, fizz” – finish the rest of the slogan. All I heard was this “pissssssssssssssss” sound and when the girl’s buzzer was triggered she screamed “Oh what a relief it is!” How SICK is THAT shit? I mean, are we serious? My sex drive? Ever since I began taking anti-depressants, I’ve virtually lost my sex drive. Obviously it’s one of the side effects, but I’ve never actually LOST my libido before. But now, I very rarely jerk off and it’s almost difficult for me to get hard at all. It’s kind of frustrating, especially since I can feel the cum building up inside of my body with no chance of release. Then when I do cum, it’s like this thick goop that could be used as spackle. Ok, this is getting out of hand. Spackle cum…hot! The Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Inferno 2? As we all know, the Real World franchise went down shit hole road years ago. But if you get the chance to check out the latest CHALLENGE, you will be shocked at how wonderfully addicting it is. These people are such losers and their egos are so high that watching them fall from grace is just about the best thing in the world. They are immature idiots running around sticking knives in each other’s back and all for my entertainment! If you’re going to watch sleezeball reality TV, make this your one stop shop. It’s fucking awesome! South Park? Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? (inside joke for you viewers). This show has only gotten better throughout the years. The creators push the envelope more than ever before and if you enjoy scathingly good comedy, this is the show for you. My favorite episode this season is the one where Mr. Garrison gets a sex change to become a woman. I laughed so hard that my own dick sucked inside of my body and became a vaginer. It’s just damn fucking funny and continuously shocks me at how far they’ll go for a laugh. Mmmmmmkay? 50 Cent’s tits? I mean, don’t get me wrong…the brother is fucking hot, no matter how you look at it. But at the same time, I swear his pecs are turning into full on breasts. I’m sure I could squeeze a gallon of milk out of those jugs. the King from Burger King? I’m talking about that commercial where the guy wakes up in bed to find the Burger King sitting next to him. While I find the King to be the scariest thing I’ve ever seen, the guy in bed decides it’s totally normal and accepts the sausage biscuit sandwich that is being offered to him. I’m sorry, but if I woke up to find the King in MY bed, I’d bug the mother fuck out. The new commercial where the dude opens up his blinds to find the King standing in front of the window is just as terrifying. I have to think happy thoughts for at least a good five minutes after viewing these ridiculous commercials. Justin and Cameron? I could have SWORN he married me only a few years ago. Fuck him and the hot ass he rode in on. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? Something about this screams BIZARRO to me. What is the deal with Tom these days? Is he gay? Straight? Bi-curiously weird? Or is just that Scientology turns people into crazy monsters? Me writing in my journal? I’ve been writing non-stop lately. Sure, I haven’t written anything of substance, but you’re fine with that. In fact, you LOVE that. I may even change the name of this journal to “Nothing of Substance and You’ll Jizz on it with Excitement”. Have a great day everyone! |
